


Let go my brown eyed boy....I have you.

by AmberEyedLover



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Comfort, Death, Family, Friendship, Gen, Love, M/M, badnews, coming to terms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-13
Updated: 2012-05-13
Packaged: 2017-11-05 06:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/403618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberEyedLover/pseuds/AmberEyedLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For another thirty minutes, Adam held on tightly to Tommy as he let himself break down and cry in Adam’s arms until he fell asleep, puffy eyed and exhausted, still Adam laid there, stroking his fingers over Tommy’s chest soothingly as he listened to his breathing, soft under the sleep he pulled himself in to, it was only then when he knew that Tommy was really asleep that he let himself fall asleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let go my brown eyed boy....I have you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SuskaS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuskaS/gifts).



> I wrote this fic for the best person in my life, my inspiration and pretty much my best friend, the person who makes me laugh and smile without fail everyday and the person I always look for online the moment im signed in, without you I would've given up on writing my fics a long long time ago so thank you baby <3
> 
> I've already sent you this on word but I just wanted to share it with others aswell :)

Adam stared at the small mass in the middle of the bed, a lump forming tightly in his throat as he blinked away the tears which had started to fill his eyes, he had no idea what to say, didn’t even think about ringing or texting him to tell him that he was going to come back, Adam had just left the meeting which he was in, telling them he had a family emergency and that he had to go at that moment in time and gotten In to his rented car and drove as soon as he had heard the news.

He didn’t stop once until he had pulled up outside the hotel and gotten out, feet leading him through the lobby and up the stairs, two at a time instead of taking the elevator, Adam wanted to move quickly and that would’ve taken too long, he just wanted to get to where he was hopefully needed and maybe…just maybe he wouldn’t be pushed away. Getting to the door, he placed a hand against the wood softly before reaching in to his pocket and pulled out one of the spare card keys which he insisted of having of all his band members, a reason he was glad of now because he knew that he would have no other way of getting inside as he unlocked the door and slipped inside, pausing only long enough to slip his boots off and left them by the door as he started to walk through the room, jacket being dropped on to the couch as he made his way to the little kitchen and looked through it until he found the bottle of jack which he knew was always there where ever they stopped at a hotel.

Bottle and two glasses in hand, Adam headed to his room before crossing it silently and placed everything down on the unit beside the bed, there was a soft hum of music and he was aware that Tommy had his headphones in and couldn’t hear…didn’t hear that Adam was there and he breathed out deeply before he carefully climbed on to the end of the bed and crossed his leg under him as he watched the lump move slightly under the white sheets and the sound of a soft sniff before a grumble came out and then he laid still again.  
Adam was patient and just sat there watching, the light in the room slowly dying and fading out to soft grey’s and blacks but the whiteness of the sheets before him stayed quite bright in the fading light.

He knew that trying to rush things wouldn’t work, it would just cause Tommy to back further in to himself more and he didn’t want that. Adam wanted Tommy to trust him enough to let everything out and let his guard down for once instead of trying to be ‘Tommy the strong’ all the time.  
But at the same time Adam felt guilty for everything, he felt like it was his fault that there were in New York while Tommy’s family was back in Burbank…Tommy should’ve been with them and not on the promo tour with the rest of the band, they all new that it was a lost cause yet Tommy told him that it was fine, and made Adam sit there and book him a plane ticket at the same time as the rest of the band and himself, Adam wanted to kick himself for it, he wanted to turn time back the past few days and make himself tell Tommy no, that he was to stay home in California to be closer to his family if they needed him like they did right now.

After about an hour and half, the soft sound of rustling came out and Adam turned away from looking around the room to the lump in front of him as it started to slowly move, gently he placed a hand down on part of the lump and lightly rubbed it soothingly before he felt him move and them rise slightly before Tommy slowly pulled the covers away and looked out at Adam as he rubbed his eyes, even in the darkness Adam could see how red there were and he swallowed his tears back again as he took in the mess which Tommy currently was but he was here to support him and to look after him like Tommy always did for him and the rest of the band.  
Slowly, Adam held his arms out slightly and Tommy moved forward until he was sat between his legs and had his face buried in to Adam’s chest, carefully he pulled the covers around Tommy’s body slightly and himself before he felt the smaller man’s body start shaking slightly as sobs broke through to Adam’s ears and he wrapped his arms around his bassist tightly and rocked them softly.

Stroking his back lightly, Adam reached up and softly took one of Tommy’s earbuds out before doing the same and placed his Ipod on the bed beside them and went back to stroking his back again, his cheek pressed against the golden hair and eyes shut tightly.  
‘’Shh, its okay baby’’ Adam whispered out to him as Tommy’s body still shook with tears, his own arms wrapped tightly around Adam as he held him in the darkness. ‘’I’ve got you now’’ he whispered again before lightly kissing the side of Tommy’s head, the soft short hairs, tickling his lips slightly as he did. ‘’Im not letting you be alone’’ Adam whispered in to Tommy’s ear again as the smaller man clutched tightly at Adam’s clothes as he tried to bury his face deeper in to his chest.

Adam wasn’t sure of how long they were sat like that, but he didn’t care as he looked down at the blonde man in his arms, face against his chest lightly and Adam sat back against the post of the bed just watching as Tommy slept against him, his hands still holding on to Adam tightly, even in sleep. He watched as Tommy took short deep breaths before they hallowed out in to a peaceful rhythm against him.

Softly he let his knuckles brush over the soft pale skin on Tommy’s cheek before he stroked a piece of hair out of his face and lightly tucked it behind his ear before moving his hand away as Tommy stirred and he brought his legs up slightly, curling even more in to Adam’s body. He sighed softly and rested his head back and clenched his eyes shut tightly but still a silent tear slid out the corner and down his cheek as he felt Tommy’s pain.  
Wiping it away, he breathed out and opened his eyes to look back down at him again, he knew that Tommy was hurting and he wanted to do everything in his power to make him feel better.... but he had no idea how, apart from just being here like he was already.

His eyes trailed over Tommy’s body slowly as he took in the jeans and baggy hoody, a small smile moving over his lips as he thought back to this morning and how Tommy had come bouncing down the last few stairs and in to the lobby where the rest of the band was waiting before they all went out for breakfast together, talking about plans which they had for the rest of the day. Tommy had been and looked so happy, carefree for the first time in a few days and now he took in the blonde who looked even smaller and frightened as he hanged on to Adam like he was just going to disappear on him aswell and it broke Adam’s heart.

‘’Tommy’’ Adam whispered softly, hand stroking his cheek lightly as he tried to wake him up, despite really not wanting to disturb him, but he knew he had too. ‘’Come on baby, wake up for me for five minutes and then you can go back to sleep again my prince’’ Adam whispered as Tommy stirred and raised a hand to rub at his eyes again.  
Once he had Tommy awake,  Adam had him sit up before he stood himself and walked over to where Tommy’s bags were half unpacked and all over the floor before he found some sleep pants and moved back over to him, placing them on the bed, he took Tommy’s hands and softly pulled him to his feet before sliding his hands down to his pants and started to lightly undo them before he had Tommy sit back down again and he knelt to pull them off his feet before he reached up and grabbed the pants again and started to move them over Tommy’s legs before getting him to stand again and pulling them up fully before he placed his hands on his waist and looked up to find Tommy watching him.

Adam gave him a soft smile before he raised a hand an brushed the back of it over Tommy’s cheek again and watched as he closed his eyes and turned in to Adam’s touch again, a few more tears siding down from his closed eyes.  
Pulling him in to his arms again, Adam hugged him tightly and lightly kissed the side of his head again. ‘’Its going to be alright’’ He whispered and Tommy nodded slightly before Adam pulled back and kissed his tears away before nodding back to the bed.

It tore his heart up again as he watched Tommy climb back under the covers and curl up small with his back to the side of the bed where Adam was standing but he knew what Tommy wanted, slowly, he pulled his jeans and shirt off before climbing in to the bed behind him and pulled the covers up over the both of him before he curled his arms around and under Tommy, pulling him back flushed with his body tightly as a few more sobs broke out.  
For another thirty minutes, Adam held on tightly to Tommy as he let himself break down and cry in Adam’s arms until he fell asleep, puffy eyed and exhausted, still Adam laid there, stroking his fingers over Tommy’s chest soothingly as he listened to his breathing, soft under the sleep he pulled himself in to, it was only then when he knew that Tommy was really asleep that he let himself fall asleep.

 

By the time Adam had woken up, Tommy was half laid over his body, a knee between Adam’s thigh and the rest of his body plastered to Adam’s side and half on top of him, Tommy’s head tucked softly under his chin from where he had moved during the night and Adam curled his arm around Tommy, fingers sprawled across his hip as Adam stared at the ceiling of the hotel room, he laid there quietly as he started thinking about everything.  
‘’I miss him’’ Came an almost silent whisper and Adam glanced down at Tommy before rubbing his hand over his side and stayed quiet.  ‘’I want to hear his voice again… his laugh’’ Tommy whispered out as Adam continued to stroke his fingertips over Tommy’s side, just letting Tommy talk.

This was how they done things, he would let Tommy talk in his own time and he didn’t care how long it took for him to speak about anything on his mind, he just knew that Tommy would when he was ready and right now he was just going to listen.

‘’Fuck’’ Tommy stated and turned in to Adam’s chest again and he felt the wetness against his skin and he held the blonde tighter. ‘’I didn’t even go see him before we left’’ The guilt was heavy in Tommy’s voice and Adam screwed his eyes shut tightly again. ‘’I want to go back in time…’’ There was a heavy pause as a few broken cries sounded out and Adam moved slightly before sliding down the bed until he could hold Tommy probably and he stroked his hand along his covered spine, trying to calm him. ‘’I want him back’’ the whisper was quiet again and Adam nodded slightly before pressing a soft kiss to Tommy’s shoulder.

‘’You wasn’t to know Tommy’’ Adam whispered quietly, ‘’I should’ve made sure you went to see your dad before we left, I shouldn’t of booked that plane ticket for you.  Adam felt Tommy shake his head slightly before red rimmed eyes stared at him,  
‘’Please don’t blame yourself Adam’’ Tommy whispered brokenly and Adam sighed heavily before pressing his forehead to his, eyes on eyes as he stroked Tommy’s cheek.  
‘’It’s my job to look after you all, you’re all my extended family and you mean so much to me Tommy Joe, I cant stand to see you all broken up like this’’ Adam whispered and he saw the fresh tears in his eyes before he moved and pressed a chaste kiss to Tommy’s trembling lips before hugging him tightly to his body and slowly rocked them both together. ‘’But we can get through this baby… I have you’’ He whispered in to the blonde hair as arms circled around his waist.

For a while they stayed cuddling each other and Tommy fell asleep again against Adam’s chest for the third time as he whispered soothing things in to the blonde’s ear and rubbed his back. A few times his phone bleeped in his jacket pocket in the other room but he stayed where he was because he did not want to leave Tommy alone. There was a soft knock on the door a few moments later and Adam sighed before looking down at Tommy, slowly he started to slide out before he stood and pulled his jeans back on as he walked in to the lounge and grabbed his phone out his jacket before walking over to the door and pulled it open to see Laine stood there looking worried, phone in hand.

‘’Tommy’s sleeping’’ Adam told her quietly before stepping aside so she could walk in, once she did Adam silently shut the door again and walked over to the bedroom on and pulled it closed slightly before walking back and sat down on the couch, a small yawn leaving his lips as he ran his hand through his hair.  
‘’How is he?’’ She asked softly and Adam just looked at her before letting his eyes fall to the floor, it wasn’t long before Laine’s arms were around Adam’s neck, hugging him softly.  
‘’He blames himself for not going to see his dad before we left and I blame myself for not making him stay back home’’ He whispered to her and she nodded slightly before running her hand through his hair.  
‘’I’ve booked a flight home for later tonight’’ She whispered and Adam looked up at her before swallowing slightly,  
‘’Book another ticket, im going home with him, I cant leave him alone when he’s like this’’ Adam told her and Laine looked like she was going to fight back before she sighed and nodded softly, a soft had on his shoulder before she turned and walked towards the door.  
‘’I will get that sorted and then cancel the rest of the interviews’’ She told him quietly and he nodded softly before watching her leave, as soon as the door clicked in place, Adam was back on his feet and moving back in to the bedroom to see that Tommy was hugging in to the pillow which he had used.

Tugging his jeans off again, Adam crawled back up the bed and laid facing Tommy, his eyes just watching his peaceful face before he sighed and moved closer to him, slowly taking the pillow out his arms before pulling him against his body again.  
‘’Everything is going to be alright’’ He whispered out, whether it was to himself or to Tommy, he wasn’t even sure, he just needed those words to be spoken and it settled his mind enough to fall back to sleep.

¤¤¤

The airport wasn’t as quiet as they hope for it to be as they walked through, Tommy tucked under the safety of Adam’s arm and Laine walking ahead of them with a few guards to keep people away, both of them had dark glasses on and Adam turned Tommy towards him more, his hand pressing against Tommy’s shoulder as he kept him close like he had done all day, for a few moment they paused at the check in desk while the guard and Laine sorted everything.  Wrapping his other arm around Tommy, he held one hand against the back of his neck and whispered soothing things in to his ear again as he felt the smaller man’s body tremble slightly again.

Despite the guards and a fierce Laine, people still took photos as they walked through the airport and towards the gate for their plane and Adam bit his anger back slightly, he wanted to yell at the people who took the photos to show some respect towards his bass player and himself, to just leave them alone for once, but he held his tongue for Tommy and just held him closer to him as they walked.

Sitting Tommy down on some of the seats, Adam crouched in front of him, hand brushing his hair back from his covered face, ‘’Do you want anything?’’ He asked softly and just watched Tommy watching him before he slowly nodded and then lowered his head slightly as he played with the tatted sleeves of his hoody.  
‘’Coffee would be nice’’ Tommy’s voice was rough from the crying and Adam nodded slightly before kissing the top of his head as he got off and went off to find the nearest machine before pushing a few quarters in and waited for the drink to be poured in to the cup before he returned an softly pressed it in to Tommy’s shaking hands before sitting next to him.

‘’Flights delayed by an hour due to weather, but it should be here soon’’ Laine said and Adam looked up before nodding slightly before he turned back to watch Tommy silently as he raised the coffee cup to his lips and took a small sip. ‘’The fans are being kept away as well, but nothing’s been said although they are like a bunch of gremlins trying to get closer’’ Laine said and Adam turned to look at them slightly before a soft laugh caused them both to turn back quickly to look at Tommy who had a faintest trace of a smile on the corner of his lips.  
‘’Only you would describe them as gremlins’’ Tommy told Laine quietly as he looked up slightly before back down again as he placed the cup down and stood a little, his feet pulling him across the room and to the window where he stood watching out of it, arms wrapped around himself tightly.

Laine placed her hand on Adam’s shoulder softly and they looked at each other before she smiled gently and nodded towards Tommy and Adam sighed and glanced back over before standing and walked over to where he was stood.  
‘’I cant handle this’’ Tommy whispered out still facing the window as Adam stood just behind him, watching his slight reflection before he nodded slightly, ‘’It..it doesn’t seem real, I feel like im just going to go back and dads going to be sat in his chair with the football on and a car magazine in his hands’’ Tommy whispered before his body started shaking again and Adam softly touched his shoulder before he turned and buried himself in to Adam’s body again.

¤¤¤

The flight to Burbank was long and mainly quiet as Adam watched over Tommy, keeping people away from the both of them unless he really needed to speak to any of them, but what he didn’t expect was Tommy to be the one waking him up with gentle nudges, he hadn’t meant to fall asleep but now they were landing and he could see the pain more in Tommy’s eyes again.

He took his hand softly in his before leading them off the plane and in to the small baggage area to wait for their bags, the rest of their things were kept with the rest of the band for safe keeping, the airport was quiet and Adam was grateful of that, he knew that the news of them flying back to Burbank was probably all over the internet but no one bothered them as he rubbed his thumb over Tommy’s hand softly before letting go to grab the bags as they came around.  
Tommy stayed quiet as he watched his boss and best friend grab the bags before turning back, offering him a small smile which he tried to give back before it failed and he breathed out deeply. Adam moved closer and placed the bags down before wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulled him against his chest in a soft hug,  
‘’Im going to be here for you baby, im not letting you do this alone’’ He whispered in to his ear and Tommy nodded slightly before tucking himself under the safety of his arm, a bag in each of their hands as they walked through and out in to the main airport where he knew his mom and sister would be waiting.

Tommy kept his eyes on the ground as they walked, blocking everything out before he felt Adam kiss the side of his head and whisper something, he looked up slowly before across to see Lisa and Dia, quickly he moved from under Adam’s arm and walked across to where his mom and sister was, their arms hugging him close as fresh tears escaped his eyes again.  
The sight brought tears to Adam’s eyes before he turned slightly and grabbed the bag which Tommy had dropped and pulled it closer to the other as he looked around the airport, letting him have his time with his family before fingers curling around his wrist brought him to look back around and he found Dia stood there wet eyed before she pulled him in to a tight hug.  
‘’You are good to him’’ She whispered in to his ear and he looked across to where Lisa was holding him tightly in her arms, his body visible shaking slightly before Adam nodded and pulled back slightly.  
‘’Im sorry for taking him away when you needed him the most’’ he whispered to Dia and she looked at him and covered her mouth slightly before she shook her head,  
‘’Oh honey, no don’t blame yourself, we told Tommy to go, this is his dream and he needed to feel alive for a while.’’ She spoke out quickly and Adam nodded slightly before taking a deep breath and wiped his own eyes.  
‘’Im going to go book in to a hotel and let you guys have some time alone’’ Adam told her quietly and she looked hurt slightly before she placed her hands on his arms softly.  
‘’Adam, you’re staying with us, as much as Tommy is part of the band’s family you are part of our family and I know you care for my baby and we are about you, without you Tommy probably wouldn’t be standing here but be in New York still trying to be strong’’ She hushed out to him and Adam swallowed slightly.  
‘’But this is important, I shouldn’t be getting in the way’’ he tried to fight back but she wasn’t having any as she took the bags and walked towards where the doors were and out, leaving Adam stood there staring after her before he turned to see Lisa looking towards him with a smile before she held her hand out towards him.

Stepping closer he took the outstretched hand before wrapping his other arm around Tommy again who turned and buried his face back in to a familiar chest again, arms in a death grip around Adam’s waist as Lisa sucked in a deep breath before wiping her eyes.  
She nodded towards the doors and Adam nodded back before letting her hand go and rubbed Tommy’s arm softly before prying him off slightly so that they could start walking again without tripping before they go to the car and both settled in to the back hugging still while Tommy’s sister took the front seat with Dia,

¤¤¤

Adam watched from across the room at the small man who looked even smaller now as he curled up in one of the arm chairs and barely spoke apart from a few nods and shakes of his head, he was torn at what to do other than just sit here watching…waiting for anything from the blonde man.

The wait wasn’t long as he watched Tommy stand up and walk out in to the hall before pausing in front of a closed door, a nervous lump being swallowed in his throat before he reached out for the handle but stopped himself and leant back against the wall just staring at the door.

For a while Tommy just stood there staring at the door, not moving and it made Adam feel nervous made him want to get up and pace the room before taking him in to his arms and holding him tightly.  
But he stayed where he was sat, gripping the cushion in his lap tightly, eyes locked on Tommy before he sees him take a deep breath and step forward and touch the handle of the door before slowly twisting it and pulled the door open, he saw the breath hitch in Tommy’s throat before he walked through and disappeared from Adam’s view.

‘’That was dad’s study’’ A voice whispered from beside him and he turned to look at Lisa before nodding his head and let a soft breath out, he wanted to be there for Tommy but it was hard to be there for someone who refused to talk about things.  
Adam went to open his mouth to say something before a loud crash sounded out from the open door way and he was on his feet and running through the door and down the steps before pausing to see Tommy sat in a crumple on the floor, a hand over his mouth and a broken frame ahead of him before he turned slightly to see Adam and the rest of his family before turning back.

‘’Leave’’ Tommy’s voice was harsh and broken as he took in a shaky breath and moved so he wasn’t sat on his leg awkwardly.  
‘’Tommy, baby’’ Dia started before he shook his head,  
‘’Just go…leave me alone’’ He told them again but a little louder before Adam took a few steps towards him and he quickly got to his feet and moved away, ‘’Get out all of you’’ Tommy yelled at them before Adam walked closer and folded his arms around Tommy, just holding him tightly as he tried to push away,  
‘’Baby we aren’t going anywhere’’ Adam whispered to him quietly before Tommy pushed and they stumbled slightly but he kept his hold,  
‘’Leave me alone please’’ Tommy begged out but Adam knew that it was the last thing he wanted to do. Slouching in to Adam’s arms, he pressed his cheek against the top of Tommy’s head as he broke down in to sobs and held on to Adam tightly. ‘’I…I can’t do this’’ Tommy chocked out and Adam sighed softly.  
‘’Listen Tommy, we are all here for you, im here for you and you’re not alone okay, you have us all and the band, everyone loves you baby and we all want to see you smile again’’ Adam whispered as he rubbed his hands over Tommy’s back soothingly. ‘’You know that im not going to leave you ever‘’ he whispered in to his ear before he glanced over to Dia and Lisa to see a soft smile from both of them before they left and Adam carefully guided Tommy back upstairs and then upstairs again to his old room.

Guiding Tommy over to his bed, he gently sat him down and started to undress him like the night before in the hotel room before he pulled the covers back and gently pushed him back and own until he was lying.  
‘’Get some sleep baby, everything is going to be okay’’ Adam whispered to him as he brushed his hair out his eyes and pressed a gently kiss to his forehead.  
‘’Stay with me’’ Tommy whispered and Adam looked at him and could see that Tommy was opening up more again before he smiled and nodded, toeing his boots off before slipping under the covers with the blonde man and held him close. 

After a while of laying in silence, Adam felt Tommy shift slightly before his arm came curling around his waist more and the soft warm breath against his neck.  
‘’Thank you’’ Tommy whispered and Adam smiled softly before running his hand through the blonde hair as he looked down at him.  
‘’You don’t need to ever thank me Tommy, im always going to be here when you need me my prince, my beautiful angel’’ Adam whispered back before lightly brushing his lips over Tommy’s. Their relationship was always hard to hide from the public but they both knew that they were somewhere where they could show their love and not get photographed.

A place where Adam could help Tommy come to terms with everything which had happened in the past two days and a place where he knew they were excepted by people other than their band members.


End file.
